Very often, I lost my direction, not because I forgot what I needed to do. But I believed it was partially due to the fact that I am working alone.
Even though my wife was telling me, “Isn’t this the beauty of working on your own game? You get to decide everything!” But the fact that you have no one to discuss the game with, sooner or later, the uncertainty grew to a gigantic proportion, big enough to crush every life out of you.
And things don’t get better when you looked at fellow developers, some of them have strong financial backing, got themselves a team and started making full 3D games using Unreal Engine and their prototype is realistic enough to “wow” people. With these posts appearing on Facebook, my uncertainty multiplied, and I have to stop visiting Facebook.
The feeling was undesirable. I started thinking about the loss of income, the time spent literally cleaning your kids “poop”, I woke up angry in the middle of the night for achieving nothing over the past 1 year.
It’s hard to find motivation under such circumstances, but looking at everything I have, my kids, my wife, my family. I realized that it is not how realistic my game should have looked like nor how many people I have on my team. It is about what I can achieve as a solo indie game developer, creating games that reflect your thoughts, the people around you, and what you love.
And to keep myself motivated, I should never forget that
- I want to make games because I love making games.
- I want to make games with contents that matter to me.
- I want to make games to connect with gamers who love my type of games.
- I want to make games with my kids
I will be setting up a forum, patreon or discord to talk to gamers when I have a playable build. Maybe that will keep my motivations high, and keep my mental health in check.